A Word of Encouragement from Elizabeth Rice Handford
Nobody likes to be called into the school principal’s office. So I was accustomed to talking to uneasy children.
But one morning, years ago, the parents of twin girls in our school came into my office seeming to be especially agitated. They were both college professors. They dearly loved their girls and were glad to pay the cost of a Christian education for them. But they were not happy with one child’s progress.
“Addie has done so well here,” her father said. “She makes excellent grades. She enters into class discussions. She does her homework without any prompting. She’s a happy, well-adjusted child.”
“But Maddie,” his wife interrupted impatiently, “hates school. We try to help her with her homework. But she doesn’t care. She just doesn’t try. We’ve threatened, disciplined, deprived her of privileges, offered money for good grades, and nothing works with that child! She’s lazy!”
“She just doesn’t care,” her father added bitterly.
I felt deep compassion for the troubled child, because I thought I knew something of Maddie’s problem. “I don’t usually tell parents what a child scores on an IQ test,” I finally said . “But because you are educators yourselves, you know IQ tests are not always reliable. But you need to know that Addie scored 120 on her IQ test. She’s in the top 10% of all our students. Maddie’s IQ is 100. Are your expectations of her too high? Couldn’t you ease up a bit?”
The father and mother looked at each other incredulously, and then tears coursed down their cheeks. “What have we done to this child?” they sobbed.
Jesus had such compassion for people with handicaps of any kind. He quoted an Old Testament prophecy about Himself:
My Servant . . . will proclaim justice to the nations.
He will not fight or shout or raise His voice in public.
He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.
Finally He will cause justice to be victorious.
And His name will be the hope of all the world.”
Matthew 12:18-21
Jesus doesn’t “put out a flickering candle.” He doesn’t put hurtful pressure on someone weak. He encourages people who don’t measure up. He knows our handicaps, our weaknesses. After all, He created us, lovingly and thoughtfully, so He knows all about our struggles.
I’m glad to report that Maddie’s parents did “ease up,” and she responded beautifully. God had given her exactly the talents and skills she needed to serve Him, and with encouragement, not mindless criticism, she blossomed.
A woman whose husband was a civil engineer complained to me, “I wish my husband would stay home more. He has to work so many hours.” Then, in the next breath, she said, “I wish he made more money.” Should she ease up on her expectations of her tired man, who couldn’t possibly do both?
A man criticized his wife to me. “She sits and watches television a lot. Sure, she keeps the house spotless and she’s a wonderful cook, I just wish she wouldn’t waste time on TV.”
I wonder how often I have unrealistic expectations of those I love? How often have I discouraged someone whose “candle” was flickering, thinking I was helping them? May God help me to ease up on my expectations of those I love.