A Word of Encouragement from Elizabeth Rice Handford
“The clerks in that store are so rude,” a woman said to me. “Everybody in the whole world is rude—the bank, the post office, the social security office. Everywhere I go people are ugly.” I didn’t answer her, because I almost never run into a public servant who is not courteous and helpful—reserved, perhaps, but not unkind. What, I wondered, makes the difference? Did she cultivate rudeness by her expectations?
Recently a man told me he dreaded going to go to the MVD. “They’re so disorganized and discourteous; I hate wasting the time.”
“That’s not been my experience,” I answered. (I think I felt especially protective of them, because they’d been so very kind to me about handicapped parking permits in Walt’s final illness.) “Every time they were fair and courteous to me. They even called me “dear”! They were crowded, yes, but they were very efficient and business-like.”
Later the man told me, a little shame-facedly, “You were right. They were great, and I got my business done right away.” Again, I wondered. Could an expectation of discourtesy perhaps make a person respond discourteously?
I grew up in a pastor’s home, and contrary perhaps, to what you expect of a pastor’s children, we six girls often had spats over petty things: whose turn it was to do the dishes, who got to swing in the swing, who was supposed to feed the rabbits, whose fault the messy bedroom was. And my dear Mother always had a Scripture for us:
A soft answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger. — Proverbs 15:1
If we failed to heed that quiet warning, Mother would add a few strong words of her own that settled the matter!
How many conflicts would be eased, if only we could give a reasonable, “soft” answer in a confrontation? How many quarrels are escalated by quick, stinging replies? If we looked for a common goal, things we really do agree on, in settling disputes, wouldn’t we all profit?
Of course there are unreasonable, selfish people in the world, and a “soft answer” will not always placate them. There might not be a way to an ethical compromise. That’s why God told us, in Romans 12:18:
If it is possible,
as much as depends on you,
live at peace with everyone.
Perhaps the deeper problem with all of us is that we have an agenda of our own that is more important to us than the welfare of others. We fear that a “soft answer” will keep us from achieving it. But there is a way, an honorable way, that people could find resolution to their conflicting goals and purposes. Even when our conflict concerns eternal rights and wrong, shouldn’t we be kind and respectful in our disagreement?
If it’s possible, as much as depends on me, I will, with God’s grace and wisdom, live at peace with others. May others get a glimpse of Jesus in me.